This week the world lost a man who was known for his humor, for making others laugh so very often. Sadly this 'funny man' suffered from depression. Robin Williams passed away two nights ago by his own hands. He battled depression for a long time but so many never knew that. One good thing that has come from his suicide is the fact that others are now talking about IT! Depression is an illness, an often misunderstood and so often ignored illness. It is not something you can 'snap out of' or 'get over', it needs to be treated professionally. Depression is a mental illness.
I have suffered with depression for many years. Most do not know this. It is not something I usually talk about, not something I mention when I meet someone and certainly not the first thing I tell people. I hit 'bottom' following my three miscarriages in 1997. There were days I didn't want to live but I loved my family and truly didn't want to do to them what I knew suicide did to others left behind. I would drive down the road thinking how easy it would be to swerve off the road, to end the hurt, the pain. I'd wash dishes and look at the knives and think about cutting myself. The imagines were always there.
I finally decided that I needed to seek help. I wanted to be here for my family. I wanted to see my children grow up. I didn't really want to die. I went through several different medications, therapy sessions for a long time and an enormous weight gain (due mainly to the medications). But I was learning that I was ok with me and that I didn't want to leave this world. During this time, my faith grew as I knew I wasn't alone and I am sure that my relationship with my Lord is partly what kept me from ever doing anything that would make my family forever sad.
Today I can say that I'm a survivor. I will always have the battle but I'm beating it. I know the signs and when I need to seek help and I am very thankful for a loving family and friends who are there if and when I need them.
If you are someone who has battled these demons know that you are not alone. There is help all around, typically as easy as a phone call away. Visit the National Institute of Mental Health - If You or Someone You Know Is in Crisis and Needs Immediate Help They have a 24 hour suicide prevention number and info for helping a loved one.
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